Episode 54: Getting Over Self Doubt with Tara Wagner

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Tara Wagner is a breakthrough coach who helps identify what's holding you back from your next level of success.  In other words, she's an expert in helping people get over their self-doubt! How timely since I just talked about this in Episode 51.  This conversation with Tara is like an expansion of the topic of self doubt, imposter syndrome and limiting beliefs.  In specific, we talk about awareness (how do you even realize the limiting beliefs you have in the first place?), root cause (where do most of our false beliefs come from), and what to do about it!  I love Tara's perspective not just because of her spunky disposition but also because she manages to take a practical approach that's grounded in spirituality.  Yes the universe works in mysterious ways and there is such thing as divine timing; but we are also living in a human world and each of us have been granted with a predictable, computer like device in our noggins, so why not learn how we can learn to use both sides of the coin toward a happy, meaningful life?  Listen in and prepare to be uplifted!!

Key Nuggets:

  • Conditioning of nasty thoughts like “I can’t”, “I need to be quiet”, "I'm not enough" are things we grow up with that eventually holds us back
  • Everyone feels the imposter syndrome – not just people who are starting out.  Anytime you’re ready for the next level you will feel it.  It’s normal!
    • You take some of the struggle away when you realize that the ups and downs are all part of the process
  • How do you bring awareness of this limiting belief in the first place?
    • Ask yourself different forms of the same question until you hit a spot – that spot will feel like truth whether it just feels like a ton of bricks, or maybe make you cry. 
    • And it’s in this awareness that you can begin to take the first steps to heal
  • One of the most common limiting beliefs is that "I'm not good enough" complex.  How do you know if you have this limiting belief?  Well the “I’m not enough” complex shows up in….
    • Not being able to take compliments
    • Nerves
    • Throat closing up
    • Resistance
    • Paralysis
    • Thoughts like “who am I to do this?”
  • Another limiting belief that Tara had gone through was that she was “too much”
    • She received messages as a child (from herself and outer world) that she was too loud, too opinionated, and that people can’t handle her energy
    • Nobody explicitly told her this but it’s important to realize that there are many messages that we receive without being explicitly told.  It could simply be the exasperation in somebody’s reaction to you that sets it up.
  • This leads to the point that we can only look through the lens/perspective that we currently have now and that’s perfect.  Sometimes we may misinterpret something but the point is that we did the best we could with what we had at that time.
    • There are phases of life where we take in most messages: toddler years and in our preteen/teen years.  These are the ages of formation.  As teenagers, we begin to develop our core beliefs
      • In Tara’s work with her clients, the majority of the beliefs that hold them back stem exactly from preteen/teen years.  We misinterpret ideas and end up with beliefs like "the world’s not safe" "I'm not lovable" "I am loved" and being able to trust in relationships….
  • It’s totally normal to make of what we have at the time but there is an expiration date and at some point these beliefs become unhelpful.  There comes a point when we're ready to do something big and beautiful and it will question the existing belief systems. What we actually need is a system to help determine when an old belief system no longer serves, dismantle it and reshape into new, helpful beliefs.  We need to learn to create a new pattern.
  • How to breakthrough limiting beliefs now that you’ve identified them?  Tara shares one method:
  1. Look at the behaviour
  2. Look at the emotions behind it
  3. Look at the need behind it
    • If you’re struggling to meet this need, look why.  That’s when you get into the core beliefs  
  • The real trick is to train your brain to run through this process where you can easily identify the behavior, emotions, needs and limiting beliefs.  From there you can choose your actions with awareness. Tara suggests to think about this like potty training a puppy.  This way, you can approach it with love, non judgement and without any self deprecating self talk.
  • Next, to start reshaping that limiting belief. Tara loves using affirmations, use of essential oils, EFT, and even just simply taking action to reaffirm what you want to think and feel.  With that said, just the awareness – the turning on of the lights in a dark room, will change the shadows.
  • In practicing the four steps above, you'll gain EMOTIONAL FREEDOM
  • Give yourself as many experiences as you’re drawn to.  All paths lead home. 
  • What action can you take now to start taking in the new belief you want to have? (ex. "I trust in people", "I am worthy"…)
    • The brain is a practical thing and when we use it as such it can be quite advantageous
    • We need to constantly reinforce beliefs and you can do it by taking action, which is far more reinforcing than just sitting and waiting to feel good.  Tara uses the analogy of a cookbook – you can’t just read the recipe over and over and just get it.  You actually need to go through the motions of taking out the ingredients and cooking.
  • If you don’t take action then you don’t change anything
  • One powerful question to continuously ask yourself is: What would your most compassionate, loving, best self do despite the worry, fear, laziness, hold-backs?

One of Your Biggest Lessons So Far:

 It’s okay to trust people.  Ultimately it leads back to love -you can give love and you can receive love.

What is one nugget of wisdom that you would share with fellow seekers who are on this journey of growth and transformation?

Don’t take it too seriously.  Learn to laugh at all of it – the thoughts, the emotions….there’s so much healing that laughter can do.  Don’t get lost in your character!

You can have the same experiences and learn the same things without the suffering, and the stories and the spiraling.                                                                                             


If you have any questions for Tara or want to learn more, connect with her through:

Website:  xotara.us (this is where you can also get her FREEBIE Self Care in Seconds)

Instagram: @tarawagner