When you do your goals this year, try doing the opposite of what you normally do and focus on what feels good first thennnn think about what you should do to attain it. This is exactly the concept that the book, The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte, introduces. And it makes sense. How often do we set goals that would probably make us feel good if we attained (ex. Buy a house…) it but feels like such a chore when we work towards it (ie. Restricting yourself from even the simple pleasure of a fancy coffee once in a while…). Worse yet, we feel like a failure if we don’t reach it. Even worse, what if it doesn’t make us feel good after we get it! Now that I’ve thought about it, it soooo doesn’t make sense to position feeling good as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow; and then spend the majority of our time sacrificing, feeling bad or feeling mediocre at best. Nuh uh. I say take a stand for feeling good and use how you truly crave to feel guide your actions. Of course, there’s something to be said about hard work and its necessity in cultivating success, but choose wisely as to where you want to spend your energy.
In a similar vein, the book also makes you reconsider your relationship with desire. What does it mean to you? For me, desire had always been associated with words like “unattainable”, “apologetic”, “too indulgent”. Desire seemed like the something that you dream of that will happen “one day”. One day I’ll own my own business. One day I will travel the world. One day I will have a personal butler. It was also apologetic, like as if it was too indulgent or that I didn’t deserve it. Danielle LaPorte helps us take a new perspective on desire…a healthier one. One where our desires not only get to be validated but are viewed as necessary, especially if we want to understand our life purpose.
The Desire Map is a two part book – part one talks about the concept and part two is a workbook. That’s right, there are exercises and activities to help us get our ducks in a row! I thought that I would be able to hammer it out in a day but had sorely underestimated the amount of heart work it would take. I’m so glad that I took the time and effort though, because it helped me make huge, positive changes to my life in a few short months.
I invite Ambre Comeau back to discuss The Desire Map, what our thoughts are on it, what the concept has meant for us as well any challenges or revelations that we realized along the way. I chose Ambre because she is the one who gave me the book. It wasn’t a birthday gift or anything – in fact it was simply a casual exchange where she passed her extra book off to me as I was walking out the door one day. Sometimes I wonder if that transaction was merely a coincidence? For both of us, it’s the first year that we’re implementing this concept so it’s really just the beginning…
- One of the most challenging questions for me was the consideration of what my relationship with desire is. How do I feel about it, do I honour it, what is it even?
Favourite quote from book:
“When I close my eyes for a minute and consider what I want the most, when I lean into my longings, I get the image of being in a sacred kind of egg where absolutely anything is possible, and at the same time, everything is so stunningly fragile…”